Help my friend!! Win

3 Mar

Comments are now closed. The winner will be posted in a different post. Thanks everyone for your suggestions and time.

This is an unusal post for me. My buddy Steph moved to Maryland last year. She really hasn’t met anyone and her family life consumes most of her time. Not unusual, right? Well her husband thinks that she should have friends and that it isn’t hard to do. He said, “you can make friends anywhere. Even at the gas station.”

We (Steph and I) disagree. We think that good friends are hard to find and can’t be found just anywhere. So how do you make new friends? Most of the people I talk to in person are people I’ve been friends with since I was a kid or teen. Offer suggestions from now until March 10. Steph will pick the best suggestion to win a surprise package from me, Scooper.

 

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40 Responses to “Help my friend!! Win”

  1. Stephanie March 3, 2010 at 11:57 am #

    I agree with the two of you. It’s not that easy, especially if you’re a working mother that has to run her kids all over the place. You don’t have much time to focus on yourself.
    So why not look in places that revolved around your kids? PTA, other volunteers, near the soccer field or at whatever activities your kids participate in?
    You have to take the initiative, though. Strike up a conversation. Invite them to lunch or out for a snack with you after the game. Maybe to your house. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just a fun activity. You could even host a little get-together for the team and their families to get to know people better.
    I’ve actually made most of my friends that way.
    (other than through work).

    Of course, there’s always the standards: join groups yourself — church groups, a book club, take a class in something that interests you so that you can meet women with similar interests.

    Hope that helps. I feel your pain. Really I do.

  2. Sandy G March 3, 2010 at 12:49 pm #

    I agree. It isn’t easy to make friends in a new location. I’ve always found that volunteering is a good way to make friends who have a similar interest and help other people at the same time.

  3. Barb P March 3, 2010 at 2:28 pm #

    Hi Scooper! I have found that as I go along, I pick up a few friends from different times in my life. I have an extremey good friend that I met when I was in kindergarten. We are both now turning 50. I have a really good friend that I met when I was in highschool. I have met many friends through my jobs, over the years. I can’t say though, that I have ever, just met someone, say at a gas station. I think that it takes a little time for someone to be considered a friend.

  4. janicu March 4, 2010 at 11:58 am #

    It’s hard to make friends. I’d say it depends on the situation. When you meet someone and you’re both going through the same thing as maybe a “new person” then it’s easier. So I’ve made friends at work that way. Otherwise there’s friends I’ve made online I guess through interest in books but that’s not the same thing. Most of the friends I have now are people I met in college and stayed friends with.

    Oh the other way is making friends through friends. Like becoming friends with a friend’s girlfriend or boyfriend.

    It takes a while to become someone’s friend. I feel like maybe 3 years. And the real test is getting into an argument with them. If you’re still friends after an an argument, it usually sticks.

  5. shannon Baas March 4, 2010 at 1:20 pm #

    I find it hard to make friends also. I would suggest finding a class to take that you might find someone with similar interests.

  6. Jennifer March 4, 2010 at 2:29 pm #

    I like in Maryland and I would be happy to introduce myself as well as my friends to Steph. Also I can share with her the best places to hang out, I know a lot of bar and business owners, the visionary art museum is awesome in the summer, and there are tons of great events every weekend starting really soon!

  7. carol March 4, 2010 at 2:36 pm #

    Get involved in a volunteer activity. If young, join your church youth group. Middle-aged, volunteer at the animal shelter, soup kitchen, etc.

  8. Marilyn Wons March 4, 2010 at 3:11 pm #

    Well I have moved around a lot in my years. I am in my late fifties. One thing I learned is that “friends” are hard to come by. If you identify “friend” as just people you socialize with, be careful. There will be jealousy, gossip and back-stabbing. If you identify “friends” as someone who shares your morals, beliefs and compasssions you may be one of the lucky ones to click with that person and maintain a relationship that lasts a lifetime.

    To answer you question, “social friends” are easy to come by if you want that type. True friends are very hard to come by.

  9. Amber G March 4, 2010 at 4:53 pm #

    I make new friends with online communities like Yelp and LTHForums!

  10. Susan C March 4, 2010 at 7:38 pm #

    Well, it’s sad, but I haven’t made a new really good friend in years. I am still in contact with old friends-one from Junior High school!

  11. DanielleC March 4, 2010 at 8:32 pm #

    I meet two of my best friends by walking up to them while they were eating alone. When you are out at a casual eating place (panera, a bagle shop…) Find a lady sitting by herself. Ask her if you can join her. It cant hurt – and if she says okay then start up a harmless conversation about generic topics…local news…the food at the place your eating. If it fails, you dont have to worry because its not like she is your next door neighbor – give it a whirl!! 🙂

  12. Kelly Ann T. March 4, 2010 at 11:15 pm #

    I join groups with similar interests. I ride a Harley so I joined a Harley Owners Group. I volunteer with a dog rescue group and I take college classes. This has really helped me meet people. So many adults are going back to school, so a group of us started a support group for adult students. We meet once a month.
    I have also met wonderful people at church.

  13. Jennifer March 5, 2010 at 1:40 am #

    I think that making new and good friends is hard and agree that you can’t just go to a gas station and make a trustworthy friend. I am moving to Maryland at the end of this semester, and I have a hard time making friends who are girls even on campus! What I suggest is to be yourself, and start by making friends at work which can lead to meeting more people outside of work. If this doesn’t work, I would suggest joining clubs that you are interested in or you could volunteer and I have met some great people through both. Good luck!! I am sure you will be fine =)

  14. Tari L. March 5, 2010 at 7:31 am #

    I can see both points. Finding good friends takes time. However, one can make friends fairly easily if they really want to.

    When my husband and I were first married and moved to our new home, I had no friends in the area. I joined the Ladies Auxilliary at the local firehouse. Mind you, this is not something I would typically do, but I knew I needed to meet people. I met some wonderful women who I am still friends with some 19 years later. I also met a very nice woman at a playground where I struck up a conversation with her as our children were playing. After 5 years, we moved again. This time I had a son so I joined a local MOMS chapter. I again met some nice women. I have been friends with some for over 13 years and am happy to say that one of them is even my Best Friend.

    Basically Steph needs to put herself out there and not be afraid to try new things and strike up converstations with other women. She should be able to make friends fairly easily but the good friendships will take a while to develop.

  15. EMMA L HORTON March 5, 2010 at 8:59 am #

    YOU CAN MAKE GOOD FRIENDS BY JOINING PTA MEETINGS, NEIGHBORS AT THE GYM OR JUST BY CHANCE MEETINGS…SOMETIMES IT IS HARD BUT JUST BE AWARE OF THE CHANCE TO HELP SOMEONE WHEN THEY NEED SOMETHING EXTRA AND I HAVE FOUND THAT IS THE WAY TO BECOME EXTRA GOOD FRIENDS IS TO HELP SOMEONE WHEN THEY NEED SOMETHING EXTRA..A KIND WORD .. A SMILE

  16. Sharon Harmon March 5, 2010 at 10:22 am #

    I’ve experienced 3 out-of-state moves in the past 2 years, and it was hard finding new friends, but I did it. I joined craft classes and because we were all there for the same reason, it was easier to make friends!

  17. Mellissa C March 5, 2010 at 12:40 pm #

    Does she go to church or to the gym. You can join a exercising class and meet people or join a book club. Whatever she likes to do, she will more than likely make a friend with shared interests.

  18. deb c March 5, 2010 at 1:38 pm #

    I was in the same boat. I moved to SC last year, because of my husbands job, and didn’t know a soul. I checked out new comers groups in the town and other groups too. Anyway, I have met some wonderful people and new friends from these groups. Good luck.

  19. RKB March 6, 2010 at 4:45 pm #

    http://www.meetup.com

    They have meet ups for anything and everything. It’s really easy to meet people and even make a friend or two. You have to sign up but you don’t have to pay for anything unless you want to start your own group.

  20. Paula A March 7, 2010 at 12:15 pm #

    If you can find a club with the same interests as yourself you can usually find a friend and you both have something in common.

    I read in our newspaper about a networking group that met once a week free. It was for business and I have a somewhat business background. I was welcomed with open arms and have met several potential friends. I keep going back. I also joined our local Chamber of Commerce. Its a small city and not expensive at all. Meeting local merchants and people that have home businesses has been great.

    I love to volunteer but also have limited time, so I pick an event that is going on in the area to volunteer for and meet many new people.

    Even if you get a couple really good friends by these means its important. I would say find unique ways to get yourself out there if you have limited time then pick your favorite. You are bound to make good friends.

  21. hj March 7, 2010 at 2:16 pm #

    I agree that volunteering is a great way to make friends. But it really has to do with attitude. When we are kids, we get used to being around and playing with all different kinds of people. But as we get older, we start to only surround ourselves with people who are like us in various ways. To make friends you need to be open to listening and learning about new people, to ask questions, to be willing to play like you did as a kid again.

  22. Tammie March 8, 2010 at 12:54 am #

    Three basic starting points:
    1. Your neighbors – at least introduce yourself and see if any common interests surface.
    2. If you have children that are of school age, find out about their friends/classmates and their parents – perhaps there is another common ground with potential.
    3. Don’t rush it. Friendship isn’t some business card you hand out – it’s a relationship you develop. 🙂

  23. joe mack March 8, 2010 at 10:52 am #

    Since I’m an animal lover: I rescue dogs.
    I instantly make friends with people who share my passion, i.e. their walking down the street with their pet. It’s different with everyone. I find that by telling people (maybe) more than they want to know about myself help me attract and/or repel.
    And, I want to repel those with whom I share no chemistry, so, it works for me.
    As Ayn Rand said, “Judge and be prepared to be judged.”

  24. Benita G. March 8, 2010 at 2:42 pm #

    My feeling is that people gravitate toward people who have the same interests. Do things you like to do. If you like to work out, join a health club. If you like to swim, join a pool. If you like to read, frequent libraries and bookstores. Don’t be afraid to say a few words to the people around you. Don’t be afraid to follow up. Before you know it, you will be making friends, good friends and keeping them for life.

    bgcchs(at)yahoo(dot)com

  25. karen March 8, 2010 at 11:07 pm #

    It is true that true friendships take time to develop, but you’ll never get there if you don’t start small. Make some casual, social appointments with other parents, coworkers, churchmembers. Remember, not every date you went on turned into a lifelong partnership, but if you hadn’t gone on any, you wouldn’t have found your husband. Friendships are the same. “Date” around a bit until you find the ones that last.

  26. Mimi the kitten March 8, 2010 at 11:39 pm #

    My best recommendation would be to plug into a church that feels like home – God willing, you will find “family” among the people.

  27. erin m. March 8, 2010 at 11:42 pm #

    The best place to make new friends is in a place that interests you. Such as a class,church,favorite music venue,coffee shop or even a political organization.

    That’s one thing in common you have already!

  28. Velma G March 8, 2010 at 11:47 pm #

    Being a product of the Navy I had to make friends all over the country. Some are closer than others. I always followed 3 golden rules- I never judged a book by it’s cover, I listened to my mind over my heart, and I always wore a smile. Secondly join organizations that have activities that you enjoy such as Bingo, Bible Study, Yoga, etc. There will already be a common thread. And lastly if it doesn’t fit don’t force it. Relationships and Friendships are natural, easy and FUN!

  29. crystal March 9, 2010 at 12:32 am #

    I would find a local owned store that sells the kind of things that i am into. After visiting a few times even just browsing around,you will get to know the workers there. I did this at an Herb shop and always attend classes and store parties and even hang out with some of the girls occasionally.

  30. MelodicMom March 9, 2010 at 1:13 pm #

    The year I graduated college I started moving around a lot, so it became necessary for me to meet other people in order to save my sanity. Before having a child I met friends through work. Now I’m married and have a baby, and many of my friends have moved away. I became lonely again, so just recently (a month ago to be exact) I joined an online mom’s group through meetup.com so that my daughter can “play” with other babies/kids. They even have “Mom Night Outs” so I’ve started making friends that way. Good luck!

  31. Alyssa B March 9, 2010 at 3:05 pm #

    I just moved to a new area, and I agree with both of you. It is hard to meet new people. To be honest, where I have met alot of my new friends is in job interviews. I have found that there are alot of people in the same boat I am. They are also in a new place with no friends. It is easy to make friends with them because they relate with your situation. Hope this helps.

  32. Jessica Anderson March 9, 2010 at 3:34 pm #

    My suggestion is to follow your own intrests and join activities within those intrests, this will give you a foundation for possible friendships with people you already share an intrest with.

    PaintedPony17@yahoo.com

  33. Molly K March 9, 2010 at 9:16 pm #

    I agree it is very hard to find good friends. My suggestion would be to take classes or join a group that interest you. For instance if you scrapbook the stores are always having classes or have scrap time available at the store. Or if she has kids go to a PTA meeting or volunteer for some project at the school. You could also join an exercise class. Anything that isn’t too time consuming but does get you out there meeting people with the same interests as you.

  34. Christina March 9, 2010 at 9:58 pm #

    If you join an organization that involves your interests (book club, church, volunteer work, museum, friends of the library, etc.) your chances of finding a good friend are upped, because you know the people there are usually serious and credible and already have something in common with you (more than the person who owns a car at the gas station and could be con man or serial killer!).

  35. theodore esteghamat March 9, 2010 at 10:48 pm #

    If you can’t get out of the house too much, joining a blog might help you connect with friends with common interests. Emails can be exchanged and hopefully there will be someone close by that you can meet in person once in a while.

  36. Gianna March 10, 2010 at 1:07 am #

    I haven’t made a new friend in like 10 years, i’m the last person to ask LOL. Really good friends are hard to find.

  37. Janette March 10, 2010 at 2:24 am #

    As an adult it’s hard to form friendships because you aren’t pushed into constant social situations. The places I’ve found the best friend were while volunteering. Between the animal shelter, Habitat for humanity, and political activism, I’ve met a lot of people, some of whom turned out to be great friends!

  38. dawn March 10, 2010 at 6:00 am #

    Well I haven’t joined anything and I don’t throw myself at others but have met friends. At local places such as book stores and such. But it has always been easy. people just come up and we talk.
    Just walking the dog and having that in common has brought me some great friends. Taking te kids to the park, or going to concerts int he parks. There are so many options. Good luck to you on finding some great and wonderful friends. It takes time but its usually always wort it.

    mightynaynay(at)cs.com

  39. reeva March 10, 2010 at 8:04 am #

    i suggest joining a mom group and start having playdates with kids.. eventualy you become friends with a lot of the parents and you (and the kids) get invited to cookovers and picnics. Its a win win for you personally and for your family. The kids get to make new friends..hopefully for life.

  40. arla March 10, 2010 at 9:04 am #

    Do a good deed for someone and you’re sure to be their friend, that’s the only thing I know

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